C'est fini,
la reste de nous.
Nous avons vu
aurore aprés aurore
et le lumière ne jamais
attrapé dans tes yeux.
J'était là
mais où était toi?
Où était toi?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Finding Reality--Finding Ground to Stand On
I'm back in his car again, playing with the leather seats.
"Where to?"
It's been so long since I've heard his melody. Since my ears have been pleasured with that sound.
"Anywhere. Take me anywhere as long as you're there."
"I can do that." My heart jumps at the sincerety of those four words strung together. They are like the promise of the sunrise in the morning, the soft wind against spring flowers. I trace the hard lines of the roadmap in my arms, leading on from here to forever.
I watch his skin glisten in the light of August. I envy the wind from the open window running across his smile, his furrowed brow. This will be the last day we have together, the last smile I see before he is gone. Somewhere in the pit of my stomach, I know it. I try to push it away, but it jumps into my throat and I let out a moan of remorse.
“What is it?” His free hand flies to mine, picking it up from my lap and squeezing it. My heart skipps in my chest like a stone over water.
I choke away the nausia forming inside and look away from him. I couldn’t let him see I was blushing.
I stiffle the fear in my voice. “I just don’t want to leave.”
His face is unreadable. His mouth is in a thin line. I can’t comprehend the color of his cheeks, his flawless complexion. “Who said you were leaving? Who said either of us were?”
I search for the right words in my head. “It’s just that…I have this feeling that we won’t be together for much longer.” The words are almost a whisper.
He stares at me, taking only a few sideways glances at the road. His eyes are intense, searching my face for any signs of leaving.
“What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know.” I fiddle with my seatbelt. I release his hand gazing out the window again.
“I’ll never leave you.” His words sink deep into my chest. I stare out of the window intently.
We drive so long in silence that I realize I can’t remember the lines of his face, the length of his fingers or the blue in his eyes. My mind is racing. I catch him in the corner of my eye. He’s singing with the radio and I reach out to feel the muscles in his throat.
But before my fingers can reach the silky, tan stone, he disappears.
This can’t be real. Am I am dreaming?!
He’s back.
We're drifting on an endless highway. A mixture of fabricated and tangible memory clouds my head. I stare at his profile and he never notices. I'm alone in the last part of him I can remember. Each car on the road is his. Each face turns to reveal those marble blue eyes. I truly am dreaming. Why did he leave me here? How can my dreams be so cruel?
"Where to?"
It's been so long since I've heard his melody. Since my ears have been pleasured with that sound.
"Anywhere. Take me anywhere as long as you're there."
"I can do that." My heart jumps at the sincerety of those four words strung together. They are like the promise of the sunrise in the morning, the soft wind against spring flowers. I trace the hard lines of the roadmap in my arms, leading on from here to forever.
I watch his skin glisten in the light of August. I envy the wind from the open window running across his smile, his furrowed brow. This will be the last day we have together, the last smile I see before he is gone. Somewhere in the pit of my stomach, I know it. I try to push it away, but it jumps into my throat and I let out a moan of remorse.
“What is it?” His free hand flies to mine, picking it up from my lap and squeezing it. My heart skipps in my chest like a stone over water.
I choke away the nausia forming inside and look away from him. I couldn’t let him see I was blushing.
I stiffle the fear in my voice. “I just don’t want to leave.”
His face is unreadable. His mouth is in a thin line. I can’t comprehend the color of his cheeks, his flawless complexion. “Who said you were leaving? Who said either of us were?”
I search for the right words in my head. “It’s just that…I have this feeling that we won’t be together for much longer.” The words are almost a whisper.
He stares at me, taking only a few sideways glances at the road. His eyes are intense, searching my face for any signs of leaving.
“What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know.” I fiddle with my seatbelt. I release his hand gazing out the window again.
“I’ll never leave you.” His words sink deep into my chest. I stare out of the window intently.
We drive so long in silence that I realize I can’t remember the lines of his face, the length of his fingers or the blue in his eyes. My mind is racing. I catch him in the corner of my eye. He’s singing with the radio and I reach out to feel the muscles in his throat.
But before my fingers can reach the silky, tan stone, he disappears.
This can’t be real. Am I am dreaming?!
He’s back.
We're drifting on an endless highway. A mixture of fabricated and tangible memory clouds my head. I stare at his profile and he never notices. I'm alone in the last part of him I can remember. Each car on the road is his. Each face turns to reveal those marble blue eyes. I truly am dreaming. Why did he leave me here? How can my dreams be so cruel?
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Searching
It's become apparent to me in the past week or two how much I've grown over the past year.
I've been reading a lot of books about life.
I've been fed a lot about scripture and God and Christ.
I've realized that the love coming from God and sent to me is completely irrational and is completely true.
But that' s besides my point.
"When my time comes,
forget the wrong that I've done,
help me leave behind some reasons
to be missed."
I've been thinking a lot about my impact here. What kind of legacy am I leaving? What impact do I have on people. Where is my focus...?
I can only hope that one day these questions will be answered for me and I don't have to be so insecure. (Although, I'm far more confident now than I was a few months ago. It amazes me how one event can change a person's entire life.)
Well, now I'm hinting and being secretive and that's not what I want to do.
I am an open book and I am honest. I'll be blunt and answer your questions. No beating around the bush for me anymore.
I've come to realize that I'm no longer the writer I used to be. I'm not as furious at the world...only upset that I havn't made a change yet. I'm no longer angry at people, but the reasons they irritate me. I've come to really irritate myself with the way I act.
Who I am is NOT who I want to be.
I'm way off from my origional point...which was how much I've changed, how life is chaning, how I'm making new decisions.
Realizing that this life is not about me...is the scariest thing I've ever realized. Suddenly I'm looking at colleges, thinking about who I'm leaving behind, broken relationships I've never mended and people I hurt that I never apologized to. I'm downright scared.
But, somehow it's thrilling.
I'm getting a car, I'm becoming an adult. I'm working to make my own money; I'm paying my way to Europe next summer....
And again...
I'm done slacking; I've got work to do; I'm leaving friends behind, letting go of hopes, building new dreams, and wandering in the black.
(I can only be thankful that God's got me on this one, but going into the world is a completely new thing for me.)
I've found, as I've grown, I've become far less incoherent (although the preceding paragraphs suggest otherwise) and I'm actually focused on how I really feel about people...not just guys but people in general.
I've realized that writing may not be a career for me...if the cards play like that. My good friend Collin, when asked to give me some inspiration for a poem, said: "that's your problem... if you have no IDEA to write about, then i recommend finding something else to do unfortunately. your subject is looking for you right now, so no point in looking for it."
Although I was slightly surprised by his tone, he was completely right and since I've just let the subjects come to me.
Not many poems have come out, but the ones that did were fairly good.
Grrr...what else to talk about?
Well, I've decided to look at more colleges than just Hanover, but something is holding me back on scholarships. I'm a little timid in that area.
College seems so close, but when I look out, it seems so far too. I still want to do so many things before then.
I got published, so that's something I'll cross off the list.
Here's the full list of what to do before I leave for college:
1. Make a YouTube series (vlogs or comedy or music videos or whatever)
2. Meet someone great and take it SLOW.
3. Sneak out and don't get caught.
4. Seek forgiveness
5. Find my style.
6. Become MC for Senior Class Live
7. Rekindle old flames.
8. Go to Paris (coming soon!!! summer '09)
9. Pass AP FRENCH
10. Get a scholarship
11. Learn to dance
12. Go to Prom (with someone special)
13. Lead at least one person to Christ
14. Write a song
15. Go on a road trip
16. Get a Cannon camera and start taking pictures
17. Become a piano MASTAH
18. Act my age
19. Become a 4 year old again :D
20. Find contentment
I've been reading a lot of books about life.
I've been fed a lot about scripture and God and Christ.
I've realized that the love coming from God and sent to me is completely irrational and is completely true.
But that' s besides my point.
"When my time comes,
forget the wrong that I've done,
help me leave behind some reasons
to be missed."
I've been thinking a lot about my impact here. What kind of legacy am I leaving? What impact do I have on people. Where is my focus...?
I can only hope that one day these questions will be answered for me and I don't have to be so insecure. (Although, I'm far more confident now than I was a few months ago. It amazes me how one event can change a person's entire life.)
Well, now I'm hinting and being secretive and that's not what I want to do.
I am an open book and I am honest. I'll be blunt and answer your questions. No beating around the bush for me anymore.
I've come to realize that I'm no longer the writer I used to be. I'm not as furious at the world...only upset that I havn't made a change yet. I'm no longer angry at people, but the reasons they irritate me. I've come to really irritate myself with the way I act.
Who I am is NOT who I want to be.
I'm way off from my origional point...which was how much I've changed, how life is chaning, how I'm making new decisions.
Realizing that this life is not about me...is the scariest thing I've ever realized. Suddenly I'm looking at colleges, thinking about who I'm leaving behind, broken relationships I've never mended and people I hurt that I never apologized to. I'm downright scared.
But, somehow it's thrilling.
I'm getting a car, I'm becoming an adult. I'm working to make my own money; I'm paying my way to Europe next summer....
And again...
I'm done slacking; I've got work to do; I'm leaving friends behind, letting go of hopes, building new dreams, and wandering in the black.
(I can only be thankful that God's got me on this one, but going into the world is a completely new thing for me.)
I've found, as I've grown, I've become far less incoherent (although the preceding paragraphs suggest otherwise) and I'm actually focused on how I really feel about people...not just guys but people in general.
I've realized that writing may not be a career for me...if the cards play like that. My good friend Collin, when asked to give me some inspiration for a poem, said: "that's your problem... if you have no IDEA to write about, then i recommend finding something else to do unfortunately. your subject is looking for you right now, so no point in looking for it."
Although I was slightly surprised by his tone, he was completely right and since I've just let the subjects come to me.
Not many poems have come out, but the ones that did were fairly good.
Grrr...what else to talk about?
Well, I've decided to look at more colleges than just Hanover, but something is holding me back on scholarships. I'm a little timid in that area.
College seems so close, but when I look out, it seems so far too. I still want to do so many things before then.
I got published, so that's something I'll cross off the list.
Here's the full list of what to do before I leave for college:
1. Make a YouTube series (vlogs or comedy or music videos or whatever)
2. Meet someone great and take it SLOW.
3. Sneak out and don't get caught.
4. Seek forgiveness
5. Find my style.
6. Become MC for Senior Class Live
7. Rekindle old flames.
8. Go to Paris (coming soon!!! summer '09)
9. Pass AP FRENCH
10. Get a scholarship
11. Learn to dance
12. Go to Prom (with someone special)
13. Lead at least one person to Christ
14. Write a song
15. Go on a road trip
16. Get a Cannon camera and start taking pictures
17. Become a piano MASTAH
18. Act my age
19. Become a 4 year old again :D
20. Find contentment
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Dreams are Elephants
I am not dreaming.
This road is real
and I am real
and youare real.
You lean so smooth against
the air around youbut your hands are shaking
and you look away.
I am not dreaming.
The breeze is ruffling your hair
the way I used to do.
Your jaw is tight and I
can hear crunching gravel.
This road is real and I am
real and you
are real
and you are coming for me.
I am not dreaming.
We are here;
you are back with me.
The sun is just another star,
we're speckled in golden dust.
Fallen leaves,
October leaves,
these skeletons rattling
at your feet --they are real.
And you see me.
Those-those are real,
glass marbles,
the prize pick of a child's game,
circles drawn in bronze skin,
pools of blue marble
seeing me.
I am not dreaming.
Dreams are never this sweet.
Humid summer carries
caramel voices to me.
Your sounds, your laughs, your sighs
and I am not dreaming.
Dreams couldn't be this cruel.
Dreams couldn't torture me with
those eyes.
We are in panhandle desert.
You are real,
I am real,
the wind that whips our clothes
about our skinis real.
I taste dirt in my teeth
and the reverberations of a heart
who hasn't beat in so long.
I am not dreaming.
My hands are shaking too.
Look, mine are shaking too.
Look, look.
These hands ate real, feel them!
I am not dreaming!
I am staring.
I am hardly breathing.
I am clinging to you.
I will not wake this time.
God, leave me here
this time.
God, please leave me be
here.
This road is real
and I am real
and youare real.
You lean so smooth against
the air around youbut your hands are shaking
and you look away.
I am not dreaming.
The breeze is ruffling your hair
the way I used to do.
Your jaw is tight and I
can hear crunching gravel.
This road is real and I am
real and you
are real
and you are coming for me.
I am not dreaming.
We are here;
you are back with me.
The sun is just another star,
we're speckled in golden dust.
Fallen leaves,
October leaves,
these skeletons rattling
at your feet --they are real.
And you see me.
Those-those are real,
glass marbles,
the prize pick of a child's game,
circles drawn in bronze skin,
pools of blue marble
seeing me.
I am not dreaming.
Dreams are never this sweet.
Humid summer carries
caramel voices to me.
Your sounds, your laughs, your sighs
and I am not dreaming.
Dreams couldn't be this cruel.
Dreams couldn't torture me with
those eyes.
We are in panhandle desert.
You are real,
I am real,
the wind that whips our clothes
about our skinis real.
I taste dirt in my teeth
and the reverberations of a heart
who hasn't beat in so long.
I am not dreaming.
My hands are shaking too.
Look, mine are shaking too.
Look, look.
These hands ate real, feel them!
I am not dreaming!
I am staring.
I am hardly breathing.
I am clinging to you.
I will not wake this time.
God, leave me here
this time.
God, please leave me be
here.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Grobanites RAVE
No one can sit down to write a review on anything by Josh Groban and not walk away a fan. Awake Live is truly an awakening. It’s a complete masterpiece to be kept and treasured forever. Josh never ceases to impress and raise the bar from previous performances; Awake Live is no exception.
Opening with You Are Loved (Don't Give Up), a favorite of Groban fans since the release of Josh's latest album Awake, this DVD pulses energy all the way from the audience behind the TV screen into your living room. Josh gives his all from start to finish with only a three minute break in the middle.
Through the entire show, weather you were in Salt Lake City or watching from your sofa, extensive and intricate lighting and an intimate stage design brought Hamish Hamilton's creation to a whole new level. This brilliant director of such artists as U2, The Rolling Stones, and The Corrs brought Groban's concert to life with excitement, energy and radiance. Josh Groban: Awake Live is a delight.
Lucia Micarelli and Vanessa Freebaim-Smith bring a new twist to Kashmir and we are also introduced to several new band members: Mark Stephens, Peter Adams and Andre Manga. Angelique Kidjo graces the stage with her incredible talent and, mixed with Josh’s magical voice, they bring together an all new song for the Grobanites titled: Pearls. Pearls was a fantastic collaboration and a perfect addiction to the Groban collection. Of course our old friends Tim, Tariqh and Craig are as stunning as ever. The Salt Lake City orchestra does a fantastic job and all these musicians come together with Josh to create one of the most amazing DVD's to date.
Along with the incredible concert is bonus footage bringing you behind the scenes of Josh’s DVD and tour experiences. For the first time, Grobanites get a glimpse into the life of Josh, his band, and his ADORABLE dog, Sweeny. Josh recalls the lonely aspects of being a solo artist, but also the rewards it has brought to him. Suddenly, (if you were like me and watched the bonus footage before the concert) we understand the longing in Josh’s eyes as he turns to the crowd and sings, “So keep me awake to memorize you. Give us more time to feel this way…” As any stage performer knows, the stage is the safe-place. The stage is home. From Awake Live we can tell that Josh Groban belongs on the stage and we hope that he remains there for many, many days to come.
Opening with You Are Loved (Don't Give Up), a favorite of Groban fans since the release of Josh's latest album Awake, this DVD pulses energy all the way from the audience behind the TV screen into your living room. Josh gives his all from start to finish with only a three minute break in the middle.
Through the entire show, weather you were in Salt Lake City or watching from your sofa, extensive and intricate lighting and an intimate stage design brought Hamish Hamilton's creation to a whole new level. This brilliant director of such artists as U2, The Rolling Stones, and The Corrs brought Groban's concert to life with excitement, energy and radiance. Josh Groban: Awake Live is a delight.
Lucia Micarelli and Vanessa Freebaim-Smith bring a new twist to Kashmir and we are also introduced to several new band members: Mark Stephens, Peter Adams and Andre Manga. Angelique Kidjo graces the stage with her incredible talent and, mixed with Josh’s magical voice, they bring together an all new song for the Grobanites titled: Pearls. Pearls was a fantastic collaboration and a perfect addiction to the Groban collection. Of course our old friends Tim, Tariqh and Craig are as stunning as ever. The Salt Lake City orchestra does a fantastic job and all these musicians come together with Josh to create one of the most amazing DVD's to date.
Along with the incredible concert is bonus footage bringing you behind the scenes of Josh’s DVD and tour experiences. For the first time, Grobanites get a glimpse into the life of Josh, his band, and his ADORABLE dog, Sweeny. Josh recalls the lonely aspects of being a solo artist, but also the rewards it has brought to him. Suddenly, (if you were like me and watched the bonus footage before the concert) we understand the longing in Josh’s eyes as he turns to the crowd and sings, “So keep me awake to memorize you. Give us more time to feel this way…” As any stage performer knows, the stage is the safe-place. The stage is home. From Awake Live we can tell that Josh Groban belongs on the stage and we hope that he remains there for many, many days to come.
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